I went to meet The Guru. He was very famous and everybody said he had amazing powers and perceptions. Everybody said he could grant enlightenment if you just followed his teachings. He told us to read certain sacred texts and repeat a secret and powerful mantra.
On my way to the Ashram bookstore to buy the sacred texts, I was so involved with repeating the mantra that I stepped out in front of a guy on a bicycle who was forced to swerve abruptly to avoid hitting me. “Hey asshole, watch where you’re going!!!”
I returned to the evening gathering where everyone was chanting and singing songs in a language nobody understood. I was sitting next to a very fat man who I just didn’t like because he reminded me of my older Brother who used to torment me constantly. The man sensed my discomfort, put his hand on my shoulder and said “Friend, I think you’ve got me confused with someone else.”
Later that night I was invited to a friend’s house for dinner and dessert. I told her all about The Guru and how I was now a spiritual person on the road to awakening. For dessert she presented me with a slice of freshly baked apple pie. “I’m sorry,” I said, “I don’t like apple pie.” Aunt Lois used to make it and it was always soggy and bitter and yucky. My friend said “You’ve never had THIS apple pie.”
Finally I headed home to get some sleep. On my way I passed a man who was dancing naked in a public fountain. I shouted “Put some clothes on. You’ve got some real problems buddy!!” He quietly came over to me and said “I think you’ve got that backwards.”
After many years of doing the mantra and reading the sacred texts, I did finally gain some realizations that would not have happened if I had not sought out The Guru.
I am forever grateful to the guy on the bicycle, the fat man, my friend’s apple pie and the naked man in the fountain.
Baba Yah Duh